Mind Vomit

Just got home from St. George and this is the first thing I do. I am an addict to blogging. I have so much on my mind, but I suck at expressing myself. I worry about everything. Every.little.thing. I need to stop. All I can do is be myself, but what if that's not enough..? I'm scared. Sometimes, I wish I could end up in the hospital and see who shows up. If there was anything I could put into my brain.. I would put a beautiful voice, I wish I could sing more than anything. If I could take something out, it would be my shyness. I am super shy and I hate it.

I'm getting surgery in 3 weeks andddddd I'm freaking out. There's so much on my mind. Why I always swallow my own thoughts? I'll never know. I hope one day I can find someone who accepts me for me, all my dorkiness, blonde moments, and insecurities.
I want/need summer.

"I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying, and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can’t stop wanting. I wanna fly somewhere in first class. I wanna travel to Europe on a business trip. I wanna get invited to the White House. I wanna learn about the world. I wanna surprise myself. I wanna be important. I wanna be the best person I can be. I wanna define myself instead of having others define me. I wanna win and have people be happy for me. I wanna lose and get over it. I wanna not be afraid of the unknown. I wanna grow up to be generous and big hearted, the way that people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. It’s not that I think I’m gonna get all these things. I just want the possibility of getting them. The future is the possibility that things can change. I can't wait."

- friday night lights -