This week is mine.

Random flowers :) :)

Sent in my graduation application!

I will finally be getting my Associate's degree in April!!

Mind Vomit

Just got home from St. George and this is the first thing I do. I am an addict to blogging. I have so much on my mind, but I suck at expressing myself. I worry about everything. Every.little.thing. I need to stop. All I can do is be myself, but what if that's not enough..? I'm scared. Sometimes, I wish I could end up in the hospital and see who shows up. If there was anything I could put into my brain.. I would put a beautiful voice, I wish I could sing more than anything. If I could take something out, it would be my shyness. I am super shy and I hate it.

I'm getting surgery in 3 weeks andddddd I'm freaking out. There's so much on my mind. Why I always swallow my own thoughts? I'll never know. I hope one day I can find someone who accepts me for me, all my dorkiness, blonde moments, and insecurities.
I want/need summer.

"I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying, and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can’t stop wanting. I wanna fly somewhere in first class. I wanna travel to Europe on a business trip. I wanna get invited to the White House. I wanna learn about the world. I wanna surprise myself. I wanna be important. I wanna be the best person I can be. I wanna define myself instead of having others define me. I wanna win and have people be happy for me. I wanna lose and get over it. I wanna not be afraid of the unknown. I wanna grow up to be generous and big hearted, the way that people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. It’s not that I think I’m gonna get all these things. I just want the possibility of getting them. The future is the possibility that things can change. I can't wait."

- friday night lights -

For those of you who know me, know that I am overly obsessed with.. yep, you guessed it..
RYAN GOSLING! He is the sexiest, most attractive man to ever come to this Earth. I even told my mom that if I was ever in the hospital or dying that I would want them to pay for a visit from the one and only Ryan Gosling. Ha! C'mon who doesn't love the Notebook? But back off he's mine. :)

This is just too perfect.

 

Unspoken rules

Here's a few tips for the fellas.. a real list of REAL things to do & not to do. I saw these and just had to write them up and a few of my own. They are perfect, and pretty much sum up all the tips girls want guys to know. So here they are.. take note.

1. Shoes. Yes, this has to be #1 on the list. We check you.. look at the face, scan the stature, and our eyes automatically drop to the shoes. If you're wearing flip flops. . . cyaaaaaa. Those are only okay on one occasion and one occasion only.. Swimming. (boating and beach included) Otherwise don't wear them, simple as that. If you ever wear brown sandals, the huge skater shoes, or shoes that are falling apart - time to buy new shoes.

2. Teeth - please brush them. And floss them. Keep them clean. We love a good smile :) It's fine if you have to look in the mirror at your mouth.. better than having something stuck in your teeth or having spit or food on your mouth.

3. FACT. Opening car doors = real gentleman = very attractive. any door for that matter. If we're on a date, do it. If we're hanging out, do it. Yes, we do notice it and yes, we love it.

4. We like goodnight texts. We like good morning texts.

5. So let's talk about "the game." Yes we've all heard of it and probably played it too. Dating is a game. We will all continue to play it until we find the "Mr. or Mrs. Right."
        But let's get down to business.
Why does every girl love The Notebook? We don't expect to have a perfect fairytale life-but Noah was straight up REAL. We love real. Which leads us to #6...

6. If you're always trying to be "cool" you will never be "real" to us. JUST BE REALLLLLL! !

7. Don't play "too hard to get" & don't be too clingy. Don't get it twisted.

8. Make me laugh and let me be goofy. We love it. Sing songs with us in the car.

9. Let's talk about touch. Tickle my back and I will fall in love. Hold my hand. Just do it. Whether we are in public or alone. I personally hate PDA but holding hands is fine.

10. How to kiss - you should know by now. Don't be all over the place and sloppy - but I'm also not a tree, so don't be a woodpecker.

11. Respect us. Don't play with the line. We should never have to ask you to slow down.

12. Tip good. We do notice.

13. It is so attractive when you show love for your mom.

14. Show genuine interest in our lives. Ask questions and when it's time to listen, listen. Try to remember things we tell you.. it shows you care.

15. Don't talk about your exes, and don't ever compare us to them.

16. Compliment us. But a little secret about girls- is sometimes we don't know how to take compliments very well. But we appreciate your sincerity. Don't say we look "HOT"- how the heck are we supposed to accept that as a compliment. Tell us we look pretty, beautiful, gorgeous.. and be honest. Oh p.s. the compliment means 100x more when it's in person.

17. If you take more time to get ready than us--seriously stop.

18. Be patient with us. We may not know all the terms for the sports or cars, but we're trying.

19. Call us just to talk. You don't always have to have a reason. Put a little effort in once awhile. We will notice.

20. Don't be on your phone all night.

21. Please stay away from jean shorts.. unless they are khakis or army shorts mmm

22. And last but not least.. these 2 things get me everytime.
Kisses on the forehead and hugs from behind. Ahhh just thinking about them make me melt. Some girls don't like them, but they are my favorite.

Valentine's Day

This is the perfect video for today.

You can tell they are so in love..

and yes I cried watching this.

"Right now as I stand here, you are the other half of me. The better half of me. Since I met you, you've been my third arm, my second heart, and my second set of ears. But tonight after we say "I do" all that will change. The word "other" will no longer exist in our relationship vocabulary. Tonight we will become one. Our hearts will be in perfect unison, our eyes will blink the same speed. For the rest of my life when I wake up in the morning, your hair will be the first thing that I smell, and your skin will be the first thing that my lips touch and kiss; and tonight, I am giving you the key that unlocks every door inside of my body. In this moment, I promise to always defend you, and to protect you, and I give you my word that I will always do my very best to make you laugh, and to keep your cheeks sore from smiling so much. I will cook you breakfast and we’ll watch classic movies together. I will be an amazing father to our children one day. I will make sure how much I love their mother. We will travel around the world together. We get to watch thousands of sunsets together. We will grow old together and watch each other's hair turn grey. I promise you this, that I will always look at you the same as I see you today. I will tell you every day for the rest of your life how gorgeous you are. I will always sing for you until the day that I die. Even when I am 80 years old, I will still ask you to dance with me, even when there’s no music in the room.”

I'm SO ready.

So ready to see what the future holds for me..

and for once in my life I can say.. I am without a doubt, excited about it!

I know what I deserve and I won't settle.

                   lets.skip.to.the.good.part. :)

You can't rewind the past. You can't stop the future. The only way to learn the secret is to press play.

As I have talked with my bishop, he said.. "forgive yourself, God already has." He tells me I need to stop dwelling on the past, so I can move onto the place I'm supposed to be.

tee.are.you.ee.

• Life can only go up from here.
• God puts people in your life for a reason.
• Friends may go, but family is always there.
• Always put a smile on your face in the morning.

                You never know who is falling in love with it.
                                                                                    

People throw rocks at things that shine.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Please

Someone please save me from myself.

Wish on a star.

Wishes and dreams are important to me, but if I look back on my past I see... nothing. Good times, okay times, and bad times all meshed together into one big blur. Nothing significant. Nothing special.  

Today one of my closest friends lost her uncle due to a tragic accident. It was so hard to watch her cry, my heart was breaking. She means the world to me and I don't like seeing the people I love hurting. No one deserves it.

Never miss a chance to tell people you love them and appreciate them. You never know when they might go.

Some wishes I have...

i wish we didn't have to suffer through so much pain.

i wish people could see what i see in them.

i wish i had a better memory.

i wish i could have a good laugh everyday.

i wish i could savor memories and pull them out and watch them whenever i needed them.

i wish my friends knew how much they truly mean to me.

i wish i knew what i wanted to study in school. stresses.me.outtttt.

i wish people didn't have be abusive. josh powell was psycho.

i wish my brother would quit smoking.

i wish i didn't compare myself to others so much.

i wish i could travel the world :)

i wish my mom wasn't so OCD. vacuuming every morning is not okay.

i wish zits would stop at age 14 like they're supposed to.

i wish people wouldn't bring those annoying little roller backpacks to school.

i wish i didn't...          procrastinate.

That's enough for one day. Some of these will probably never happen.. but others might. You never know.

The rest of my blog tonight is about MY ONE AND ONLY best friend, my little sister Kimmy.
She is a 17 year old babe.

Right now she is huffing and puffing, almost in tears over her homework.

She makes me laugh harder than anyone I know.

No one knows Kimmy like I do. I joke that no one could survive living with her for longer than a day. She is always so loud. Laughing, screaming one second and yelling, stomping her feet the next. Welcome to the worst teenage rollercoaster you will ever witness, and i'm on it.

Yesterday her teacher gave the class a pop quiz. The teacher was wearing a red shirt with a big U on it.

     the question: What's my favorite university?

     her answer: get ready for it.. Utah State. Ha yep this family is a smart one!

She tells me everyday "high school is hard enough I'm never goin to college!!"

Dear little sis,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being my best friend. I know you don't consider me your best friend but I am always here for you no matter what. We may fight at times, but that's what sisters do. Atleast we can joke about it after. You are so beautiful inside and out and your soul shines. Keep smiling and making people around you smile. Your good attitude toward life is contagious. You live life to the fullest, everyday. Someday I hope to be like you. Thank you for letting me laugh and cry with you. Thank you for being the best sister I could ever ask for! As I always say, you're my favorite sister. Even though you are my only one, you are the only one I need. I don't know what I would do without you in my life.

You have saved me. Thank you.

Love, your big sister Heidi.

Good thing everyone thinks she's older than me. Fml.

"We all have a story to tell. Whether we whisper or yell."



Terrific Tuesday.

Terrific, temple, tuesday. Today I went and did baptisms for the dead at the Salt Lake temple.
Words can't explain.
I didn't receive any personal revelation or inspiration, but the feeling inside the temple and the feeling after was all I needed. Peace, serenity, hope. It is a feeling you can't get anywhere else.

Last night I went to the Parachute concert. It was AMAZING!
They are even better live!





Ending the night as a 7th wheeeeeeel, I thought I would be lonely, but I was content. My time will come. For now, it's all about finding myself and my purpose in life.

life goes on.

"Heavenly father is so proud to see you using all the tools he has given you. You are such an amazing girl and it's the best seeing you live up to your full potential. Always keep your head up and stay focused. Your prince is waiting for you and just think.. everyday you are a step closer to living your dream, finding your special other half, and getting sealed for time and all eternity." :)
       Thank you Holly.

When you're happy for no reason, you bring happiness to your outer experiences, rather than trying to extract happiness from them. You dont need to manipulate the world around you to try and make yourself happy.

YOU LIVE FROM HAPPINESS, RATHER THAN FOR HAPPINESS.

 what to focus on: HAPPY

Today in church a returned missionary bore his testimony. He said: "a mission may not be the best two years OF your life, but it will be the best two years FOR your life."
   Missionaries are the best!

Another lady bore her testimony. She talked about how her son had stage 4 cancer. She always wondered why bad things happen to good people? There is no explanation, but she knows God is always by our side. He will not give us things we cannot handle. She learned that we should not judge people by the way they look or act. They may be going through a hard time and we might not know everything they are dealing with.

We need to wake up everyday and try to be better than we were yesterday.
The gospel is amazing. I love it so so much.

Behind this smile is everything you'll never understand.

• Tomorrow smile at a perfect stranger, and mean it.
• Take it easyyyyyyy, we're all still breathing.
• Skies are blue and I'm alive. So all is well.
• The only dreams that matter are the ones we have when we're awake.
• Don't forget how lucky you are to be alive. Take advantage of everyday, there might not be a tomorrow.
• “Begin to take responsibility for yourself, at the end of the day we are nothing but our own experiences and memories. Start to lead this something called ME.”

These covers. Ahhhhh

\\

This.

How often do you look back and really reflect on what you’ve done,

The insignificance of it all?.. Pointless arguments, inside jokes, funny haircuts.

But do you ever wonder how you will be remembered,

Or if what you’ve done and what you're doing means anything at all?

What will your song sound like when you’re dead and gone?

Will tears fall when the last note is sung?

And how will your story be told?

Will your words leave a bitter taste in their mouths?

Or will they even remember you at all?

Compassion. The concept is rather simple.

Most know what it means to be civil, but there truly is a fine line between sweet and sour.

Give too much of yourself away, and you'll be all used up,

 Not enough, and no one will be around to share this with.

So what is that motivates us to be better, gentler, more refined?

I like to think it’s those close to us. Close to the heart and soul.

Those who carried you to the car after you puked on their shoes,

Those who took the blame for breaking the window when it was you who cast the stone,

Those who will be by your side, when reality knocks on your door, both good and bad

But most importantly those whose stories you will share with your kids and grandkids

in hopes to keep this all alive.

Chivalry. Decency. Kindness. Compassion. Desire. Strength.

How will you be remembered?

Take me away.

This weekend I went with all my aunts and girl cousins to Las Vegas! Being LDS, none of us drank or gambled but being with 10 girls is always a good time. It was nice to get away from real life and be stress free.

Vacations are the best thing in life. A friend once told me "don't spend money on things, spend money on memories" and that is exactly what we did this weekend. I am so thankful for my family and the way I have been raised.

Vegas is filthyyyyy.

Coca-cola bear.

Newyorknewyork.

my mom was pissed at me.

Reeeee-do.

Sister and mom.

S'mores hot chocolate

at Serendipity. :)

I am home now.. back to reality and I hate it.

I want to plan my next vacation.

words.words.wordsss.

I'm not giving up, I'm just starting over.

I don't have much to say..

I want to move somewhere where no one knows my name or my story. I want to start a new life, with new people. I want to make a change. I want to make a difference in someone's life. 

        ...a mission? who knowsssss

How does one sock always get lost ?

How do all the red lights know when you're running late? Seriously though.

Love is spelled T-I-M-E.
It's called falling in love for a reason.
You can't search for it, you just fall...

Trying to...

listen instead of hear

laugh instead of cry

be patient

communicate my feelings

find beauty in everything 

find beauty in everyone

capture the memories

be a better person

focus on what I have instead of what I don't

enjoy the moments for what they are

live in the moment

be excited for the future

drink more water

not waste time
smile more
trust more
love more

Simple is defined as easily understood or done; presenting no difficulty.

That's what we all want right.

Enjoy the small things in life, and life will be simple.

Have you ever wanted to just start over? Forget everything and start over? As I was thinking about this, I thought I would give anything to start a new life, and leave the old one in the past. I came to the realization that if I want to, I can do this. Tomorrow is a new day.. it's never too late to be who you could've been. When I wake up tomorrow, I can start a new life and leave the old one where it belongs... 

Today.

Today has honestly been better than Christmas morning.
I had a meeting with my bishop and I got my temple recommend!
I am beyond ecstatic!
I haven't been inside the temple for a very long time, and I CANNOT wait to go :)

I am going to Vegas this week. I am going to the Parachute concert on February 6th.
Good things are happening.. and Life is amazzzzziiiiinnnnnggggg!
Crazy how a little attitude change and goals can change your life.
I am soo thankful for where I'm at right now, and I owe it all to my heavenly father.

"I am convinced that when we obtain a witness of who we really are and possess healthy feelings of self-worth because of it, our joy in the accomplishments of others is magnified. When that joy is felt, we should share it.

How blessed we are to know where we came from and what we have the potential to become. Let each of us work harder to recognize the accomplishments of others as well as being aware of our own talents and successes. And let us be confident in the knowledge that “the worth of souls is great in the sight of God” (D&C 18:10) and that with the Lord’s help, we can accomplish far more than we could ever do on our own."