This is scary. The thought of expressing my thoughts, real, true thoughts, to anyone besides myself, scares me. No one knows the real me. NO ONE..
but....

So I'm trying something new. Something I never thought I would be able to do, but here I am sitting at my computer making a blog! Blog.blog.bloggggg! I have PLENTY of thoughts, so why not get them out.

My friend Tiffany recently got home from San Franciscoooo. She was working there for about six months and is finally home, yayaaa :)

We were hanging out/catching up the other night and she said..

.. "you have so many suitors, but never want any of them."

sorta.true.

I'm pickyyy. I don't why, but I am. Always have been.

My mom and I joke that I won't ever get married because I'm so picky.

But when it comes down to it, it's because of my own insecurities.

Insecurities..

When something good starts coming my way, I find a way to sabotage it. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. Because I know good things can't last forever, I get scared, and I run. When someone likes me more than I like myself, I run. When things get too hard, I run. I run to be alone... alone is the place I'm most comfortable..  at the end of the day, it is what it is.

yesterday a friend told me to "stop being a mental pussy and believe in yourself"

i just wish i could see what people see in me.

Enuff.

Enough with the negative crap. I'm generally a happy person :) all smiles and laughs as much as I can. That's what gets me through each day. Laughter is the best medicine.

 

this post is

               s  

                  c 

                 a 

                    t 

                       t 

                        e 

                           r 

                              e 

                                 d.

                            just like my thoughts.

free